 -August 01, issue 129.
It's five in the morning and I'm sitting in my recliner. I can't sleep. So many things are just pounding their way through my head, like a busy freeway. My wife wakes up to go to the bathroom and my little girl toddles down the hallway after her.
Sara asks me why I can't sleep, and even telling her is hard. Any way I try to make it come out, it just doesn't sound good, and I don't even want to admit it to myself. I'm completely out of cigarettes. I walk to the car in a ratty old shirt and sweat pants, turn the key in the ignition, and head for the nearest gas station.
It's the longest six miles I've driven in my life. It would be the last of many previous nights I had mulled over a decision I never wanted to consider in the first place.
I honestly can't remember what it was like back before I had a comic strip to draw. I really can't imagine what it would be like if I didn't have one to draw today. I keep asking myself the same questions I don't have answers to. How many people will I disappoint? How much will I miss it? Will I keep drawing?
There's something to be said about my old hobbies, like playing guitar. I never got any fortune or fame, but it was easy to let my instrument sit in the closet for as long as I wanted. Doing Manascrewed is just so much more complex than that. Putting it down means I can't really pick it back up.
I've always thought my great grandfather was the last American cowboy that lived. He was a real man, and a Texan to the bone. Self educated, he'd sit every morning with his Lucky Strikes and his old, dirty dictionary as he did the daily crossword in the paper. I could never figure those things out, but he never left a blank unfilled. He always said, "Whatever you do, don't do it half ass. Be the best. Even if you sweep floors for a living, be the best fucking floor sweeper that ever took to a broom. Sweep like no one?s ever swept before."
He?s been dead for several years now, but those words of wisdom have been my personal creed. I may not have been the best, but I've always given it everything I've got. Another wise man also once told me that all good things come to an end, and when they must, it's like cake. It's best to stop eating while the last bite still tasted great.
As my little girl grows older, I wonder how much time I'll really have to invest in Manascrewed. It's kept me up late before thinking of how I'll find the time to give it my all and be the best I can possibly strive for. I wish this site were my job, and not my hobby. It's really a second job ? a second non-paying, slave-driving job. I've loved it, but I don?t think I can continue doing it justice.
It has been very fun. Unfortunately, it's no longer justifiable from a financial point of view. There are so many Web-development projects I could be working on instead of the time I spend on Manascrewed. I've got a house payment to think about, my car is on its last leg, and my day job isn't getting any more lucrative. I just plain haveto start making more in my off time, and this comic is a lot of my off time.
I still will play Magic. I?ll still be on AIM. I?ll still throw down at o-gaming. I?d like to think I?ll still draw, too. It?s really sad to have to put to rest all the awesome ideas I?ve got in my head for this site ? all the really great things I?ve wanted the time to work on and implement.
To the hardcore readers and fans: Thanks a shit ton for being the most awesome people ever. You guys really have made my day more times than I possibly could think of. I?m sorry it has to end. I?m sure that somewhere, in some way, some day, I?ll be around again. There?s never a surplus of artists, and never a shortage of people wanting stuff drawn.
Until then, may you know the happiness of shaping something you love, and the joy of seeing it grow.-August 03
There are a few questions floating around out there. I will attempt to answer a few right now.
How long will the site be up? As long as it can be. At least a year, if not a lot longer. Satirewire.com went down I think five years ago and it's still up and going.
Will I be updating any more? The answer to that question is firmly no-ish. I've been thinking of continuing my blog, as several people have expressed they enjoy reading it more than they do the comics (and it takes about 1 percent of the time an actual strip takes). We'll see things go. For now, the answer is no. There will be a few more Manacam entries to go, though. I have some unfinished drawings around here I think fans would be interested in seeing.
Will I ever draw comics again? Probably not. I might do a comic strip about as often as Jimmy Carter pretends he's still president, but that's about it, and the comics most likely won't even be for this site. I will post here letting everyone know if and when I draw anything, though.
Will Manascrewed ever come back some day? Not unless I don't have to work a day job, anymore. My father mentioned a few months ago he's looking into opening a historic motel. If he does, I may manage the place, which means I'll have a lot of time every day sitting on my butt. At that point, I'll have a lot of free time, but I can't say I won't be spending it designing Web sites or doing something else digital.
A lot of doors have opened now that I'm free Fridays and Wednesdays. I'm already talking with people in the Magic industry and I can say I'm likely going to be working on some really cool projects in the future. |
